January 6, 2013
What to do when you feel under appreciated:
What to do when you feel under appreciated:
1. First and foremost, only give without the expectation of receiving it back. Smart People who lend friends money know they should not expect it back.
2 Give to the limit where you won’t feel resentful for giving. It’s the same principle when you go gambling, bring what you can afford to lose and look at the cost as part of the experience.
3 Assert yourself – ask for a thank you. “You know Lisa I really like helping you. It makes me feel closer to you when I’m able to assist my sister. But I have driven out to you 4 times in the last 2 months and I don’t think you said thank you once. I know you care about me but I need to hear it once in awhile. I have my struggles too and when I put agenda aside to help you it would be nice to know it means something to you. A simple text or email would suffice”
4 Ask for Simple small favors in an assertive manner if they don’t get it at first. “Lisa I know things are hectic for you. But I don’t ask for much and this thing I’m asking you to do might seem trite to you but if it was then I probably would not ask. I’m asking because its important to me. You don’t have to get it but I wish you could help me out any way with this. “
5 Reassess the boundaries and definition of what you expect in the relationship. As I stated in the beginning of this blog post not every relationship comes with the rule “I must do everything this person asks because they are….”
6. Appreciate your self by making a gratitude list..I am grateful I am can be in a position to help. I like being a helpful sibling. I am proud of myself for making smart decisions in this way….
7. Restructure how you process the request for help. I often teach my clients to tease apart their observations and how they process/assess that information that feeds their reactions.Observation–>Assessment Style–>Reaction. “Hey can you read this ? “
Michelle’s automatic style of thinking was to observe Lisa’s emails as “she NEEDS me” rather than “Lisa is asking for help”. The second assessment strategy allows her to feel in control because she can process it as “I have a choice in whether I assist or not”. The first point of view (“she needs me”) lead her to process it under “I feel forced and obligated. I am a bad sister if I don’t give her what she needs”.
Old View: O she needs me. A. I m bad if I leave her without her needs R I feel obligated and frustrated
New O she is asking me. A I have a choice in how much I give R I feel in control. I’ll give to the point where it won’t deplete me
Jayme Albin, PhD
You need skills to learn to make this weight loss change permanent without feeling as though you are constantly on a “diet”.
BAD NEWS: Failure to maintain a stable weight is high!
It’s not surprising to find that many of my clients/readers are somewhat skeptical about their ability to be successful at keeping a stable weight, after all the widespread view is that being able to keep weight off and prevent yo-yo relapses is not achievable.
According to the National Weight Loss Registry only 20% of overweight and obese people in the United States have successfully lost 10% of initial body weight and have been able to keep it off for more than 2 years.
Answer: This is because most weight loss programs don’t really have a maintenance phase. The last phase usually just focuses on adding calories and reducing food restrictions rather than specific behavior strategies and developing life- long health attitudes.
People who are successful at maintaining their weight know which behaviors and thoughts are helpful when it comes to keeping them at or close to their goal weight.
So what’s the secret ? What are the behaviors to focus on and the types of thoughts to have that keep us motivated to make healthy choices day after day?
Step One. Taking steps to get on a real weight maintenance program is important. Make a commitment to work on developing a program that is personal to you. I offer personal, skype or an PDF self published guide on Sculpting your weight loss Success. Email us for details at DrJayme@asktheCBT.com
Our weight loss for life program focuses on using cognitive behavior therapy for weight maintenance. Our Cbt weight Maintenance program also incorporates mindful based therapy, biofeedback and yoga therapy so that it becomes more natural to feel calmer and connect with your body and emotions.
Step 2 Get to know how you think about food.
Our program reviews your thinking styles when it come to food. Do you respond better when you think about food with a set of rules that you apply logically throughout your day or do you do better with a structured or semi structured guideline? We can help you figure that what works best.
Step 3 Learn how to assess how you spend your time against what you SAY you want out of life AND then resolve conflicts with actions plans. Our programs provides tools to help you figure out where you have control and freedom in places that you felt trapped or lacking in any options!
Step 4 Set real goals regarding weight and establish a personal monitoring system that works for your emotions and life style.
Step 5 Develop a healthy reward system that rewards you for working on intentional goals not just good outcomes.
Step 6 Have a plan in place that is easily activated by you when your weight passes the “yellow light zone of comfortable weight re-gain”.
Step 7 Learn how to eat and think like a thin person does automatically by practicing good habits during challenging situations.
For more information about Cognitive Behavior Therapy Services in New York City or Psychologist Services for other problems in New York City or through skype please contact our offices at 212-631-1133 or DrJayme@asktheCBT.com
For more on Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Weight loss visit our sister site at www.SculptNYC.com
April 15, 2011
Depression, anxiety and stress affect more than just your mood, they affect our energy levels, sex drive, appetite and physical posture. How we feel is influenced by how we breathe and our ability to sleep.
Yoga as a therapy? Why yes! Yoga provides you with you with useful tools to change instantly how you feel emotionally, mentally and physically.
As a Clinical Psychologist and soon to be a certified Yoga Instructor (Kundalini Yoga in May 2011), I found myself giving out “prescriptions” of specific breathing and meditations more and more to patients these days so they can heal their nervous system and balance their hormones while we work together to modify thoughts and behaviors. It provides a system of immediate emotional and mental relief.
The fact is that yoga techniques such as postures, breathing exercises and meditations that use mantra (sounds/vibration) and tapping (mudra) are extremely effective in reducing symptoms depression and anxiety. For some of my clients daily breathing, meditation and exercise have replaced their anti-depressant or stimulants for attention deficits.
Quick Tip:Sit in cross legged position or on your heels. Make sure your spine is straight. Bring your gaze to the tip of your nose. Relax your shoulders and abdominal area as you inhale. As you exhale gently bring your naval point inward and upwards. Clear your mind. Focus on your breath for 3 min.
In addition they are effective in improving symptoms of attention deficits and concentration, as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and breaking other bad patterns. Studies show that certain meditations are effective in improving memory and blood circulation to parts of the brain.
Yoga therapy facilitates cellular regeneration restoring our nervous systems and stimulates our hormones. This is important maintain focus and a balanced mood. If you experience mood swings, battle with anxiety or experience physical stress reactions (headaches, migraines, TMJ, teeth grinding, back and should pain, stomach aches, insomnia) then yoga therapy and biofeedback could help change these automatic responses.
Meditation and breathing can also develop your intuition and improve your ability to connect with other people since they develop our ability to interact less judgmentally and act with grace and acceptance.
For more information about group or private sessions please contact Dr Albin at 212-631-1133 or DrJayme@askthecbt.com
August 8, 2010
Positive energy from a radio show?
February is Self Esteem Month so join me tonight on blog radio with Harry & Phil to discuss how Cognitive Behavior Therapy and your health can enhance your self esteem!
What: Marvelous Mondays with Harry & Phil
When: Monday, February 8, 2010 at 11:00pm
Location: From the comfort of your computer or phone
Street: Corner of WiFi & Cellular
Join in on the fun by sharing your positivity with the world!
Join us this Monday, Feb 8th, 2010 at 11pm EST (GMT -5)
Meet Dr. Jayme Albin “The Cognitive Behavior Therapist” and founder of Sculpt NYC.
Phi: “I love what Dr. Jayme says in the ‘About Me’ section on her site:
‘My approach can be described as supportive, hands-on, interactive, straightforward and motivating. There is a heavy influence of positive psychology with an emphasis on lifestyle enhancement that goes beyond just symptom relief. There is a strong emphasis on the acquisition of a balanced lifestyle that is designed to keep you moving forward towards your goals so your life is the most successful and fulfilling it can be.
I use techniques of cognitive restructuring, response prevention, active role-play, real life exposures (where I go with the client somewhere), virtual reality therapy, biofeedback,thought exposure, relaxation therapy, mindfulness and meditative therapies.’
For more info on Dr. Jayme visit her sites:
http://DrJaymeAlbin.com (coming soon)