What to do when you feel under appreciated:

What to do when you feel under appreciated:
1. First and foremost, only give without the expectation of receiving it back. Smart People who lend friends money know they should not expect it back.
2 Give to the limit where you won’t feel resentful for giving. It’s the same principle when you go gambling, bring what you can afford to lose and look at the cost as part of the experience.
3 Assert yourself – ask for a thank you. “You know Lisa I really like helping you. It makes me feel closer to you when I’m able to assist my sister. But I have driven out to you 4 times in the last 2 months and I don’t think you said thank you once. I know you care about me but I need to hear it once in awhile. I have my struggles too and when I put agenda aside to help you it would be nice to know it means something to you. A simple text or email would suffice”
4 Ask for Simple small favors in an assertive manner if they don’t get it at first. “Lisa I know things are hectic for you. But I don’t ask for much and this thing I’m asking you to do might seem trite to you but if it was then I probably would not ask. I’m asking because its important to me. You don’t have to get it but I wish you could help me out any way with this. “
5 Reassess the boundaries and definition of what you expect in the relationship. As I stated in the beginning of this blog post not every relationship comes with the rule “I must do everything this person asks because they are….”
6. Appreciate your self by making a gratitude list..I am grateful I am can be in a position to help. I like being a helpful sibling. I am proud of myself for making smart decisions in this way….
7. Restructure how you process the request for help. I often teach my clients to tease apart their observations and how they process/assess that information that feeds their reactions.Observation–>Assessment Style–>Reaction. “Hey can you read this ? “
Michelle’s automatic style of thinking was to observe Lisa’s emails as “she NEEDS me” rather than “Lisa is asking for help”. The second assessment strategy allows her to feel in control because she can process it as “I have a choice in whether I assist or not”. The first point of view (“she needs me”) lead her to process it under “I feel forced and obligated. I am a bad sister if I don’t give her what she needs”.
Old View: O she needs me. A. I m bad if I leave her without her needs R I feel obligated and frustrated
New O she is asking me. A I have a choice in how much I give R I feel in control. I’ll give to the point where it won’t deplete me

Jayme Albin, PhD

Positive energy from a radio show?
February is Self Esteem Month so join me tonight on blog radio with Harry & Phil to discuss how Cognitive Behavior Therapy and your health can enhance your self esteem!

Positive Self Esteem Starts with your View

What: Marvelous Mondays with Harry & Phil
When: Monday, February 8, 2010 at 11:00pm
Location: From the comfort of your computer or phone
Street: Corner of WiFi & Cellular

CALL IN # (347) 324-3604 And Ask your questions LIVE!!
or Listen ONLINE:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/marvelousmondays

Join in on the fun by sharing your positivity with the world!

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Join us this Monday, Feb 8th, 2010 at 11pm EST (GMT -5)
Meet Dr. Jayme Albin “The Cognitive Behavior Therapist” and founder of Sculpt NYC.

Phi: “I love what Dr. Jayme says in the ‘About Me’ section on her site:

‘My approach can be described as supportive, hands-on, interactive, straightforward and motivating. There is a heavy influence of positive psychology with an emphasis on lifestyle enhancement that goes beyond just symptom relief. There is a strong emphasis on the acquisition of a balanced lifestyle that is designed to keep you moving forward towards your goals so your life is the most successful and fulfilling it can be.

I use techniques of cognitive restructuring, response prevention, active role-play, real life exposures (where I go with the client somewhere), virtual reality therapy, biofeedback,thought exposure, relaxation therapy, mindfulness and meditative therapies.’

For more info on Dr. Jayme visit her sites:

http://SculptNYC.com

https://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist.com

http://DrJaymeAlbin.com (coming soon)
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